- Your best friend was better.
- It was a pity date. I never really liked you, anyway.
- I dated you on a dare and obviously I lost.
- I don't have Ex's. I have Y's. Like, Y the hell did I date you?
- Was I drunk the entire relationship?
- Being with you was like an unsatisfying shit. It has promise, so you push and push but nothing good ever comes out.
- I'd tell you to go fuck yourself but I’m pretty sure you’d be as disappointed as I was.
- I realized my value while I dated you, and buddy, you can’t afford me.
- Relationships are about giving and taking. You got the taking part down pat.
- Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
There you have it, folks. I'm terrible, I know, but they made me laugh.